Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
