You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
