either way he was missing a nipple.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
