we made out on top of his cat.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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