I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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