So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
