I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
