I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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