Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
