i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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