I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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