I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
