were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
