At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
