i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
