If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
