I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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