he puts the penis in happiness.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
