Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I want is dick and wine.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
