dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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