I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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