Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
