Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
