I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
