I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize