Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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