How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
