Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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