Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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