Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
