i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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