So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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