Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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