So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
