i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize