I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
bring money and cleavage
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
