We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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