maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
