I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
