just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
