Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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