What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did we literally take a cab across the street
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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