We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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