Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
