I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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