There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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