and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
