when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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