Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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