highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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