Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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