I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
