Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
