I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
