so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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