I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
