Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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