The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
