then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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