hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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