Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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