So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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