Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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