So drunk its hurt
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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