Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
