you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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