I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
