U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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