sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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