omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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