Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
