shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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