I skipped work to stalk him.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
