If i could tip my vagina, i would.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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