is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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