I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize