One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
